How to Create Nurturing Moments
- Identify times when the parent is most available to connect with their child.
- Review the bedtime routine to determine whether moments of connection, such as reading together, cuddling, singing bedtime songs, or having meaningful conversations for older children can be added. Alfie Kohn (2005) highlighted that a frequent penalty for young children when they have misbehaved is to take away their nighttime reading and cuddling with parents. He sees this as a missed opportunity for “righting the boat.” Children are often worried about the relational rupture that their misbehavior causes and this provides a unique postgame moment that sometimes parents are too angry to avail themselves of.
- Help the parents identify interests the child has that they can explore together, even if it is not the parents’ preference.
- Help caregivers figure out if there are ways children can help, such as in preparing family meals. Can the child stir what is in the mixing bowl? If the child is too young to truly help, can they cut up their toy food while the parent cuts up the real food? Also help parents set reasonable expectations for the quality of the help; the child will likely not cut evenly or may not stir thoroughly. That is okay.
- Determine a place in the house that can be used as (or redesigned to be) a place for nurturing. Paris Goodyear-Brown (2021) has many structured suggestions on how to create a “Nurture Nook” for families. Designating a spot with a beanbag chair, stuffed animals, books, or pictures and posters is a good start. Of course, this is not the only place where such moments can take place but, for some families, having that spot designated encourages it to happen.
- Figure out shows, movies, or audiobooks that families can enjoy together. These activities are not only enjoyable in and of themselves, but also lend themselves to physical connection, particularly with younger children.
- Develop shared interests and activities, like a mutual hobby, which can provide new topics for positive discussion and moments of connection. These interventions fall under the category of “a lot of bang for your buck.” If families can try one or more of these strategies consistently, then interactions, relationships, and other interventions will go better. If you value techniques with a high smile coefficient, work on nurturing moments.